Halt Our Fleet

or Fallout Three.

Lets Quickly review Fallout 3 shall we? On the surface it seems like Bethesda has taken Oblivion, added guns and set Reheat to Full. But dig a bit deeper and its much more than that. The story is quite well written, and if you thought Halo Felt True, you won't be able to Fault the Lore of Fallout 3. It's not perfect, and it's not like my Heart Fell Out with emotion, but it does a decent job. One of the big additions since Oblivion is the new V.A.T.S system (I'm not going to explain what it stands for, this isn't a real review). This makes gunfights simpler, and adds a pinch of tactics to combat, but is based partly on chance, so it is sort of half skill, Half Roulette. There's a lot of scope for moral choices, so you can choose to be the good guy or The Feral Lout who steals things and plants live grenades in peoples pockets for fun. Whilst wandering the wastes you have to scavenge for items like Athlete Flour and do silly missions like creating a cure to Heal Otter Flu or stop an epidemic of Lethal Toe Fur. You can pick up sidekicks who help you out along the way, which helps to relieve the isolation, but if you do let someone tag along you'll be entering an Utter Oaf Hell, since the AI for these NPCs is infuriating at times. Overall I'd give this game one fall out of three*.



*not a real review score.

Sir's Anal Coming.

or Animal Crossing

I was playing Animal Crossing the other day, and I bumped into that Maniac Girl's Son. I said “Setting fire to things is fun” In Sarcasm Lingo, but he didn't seem to understand. He said “Arson Is Calming”. I was a little worried at this point, because he asked me where I lived. I didn't want him to burn my house down! So I legged it! I went round to my mate Leo the lion's house because he is one hard bastard! We played on some games and then Leo the Lion Sang Racism! He was singing something about there being No Caring Islams. Fortunately, No Islamics Rang to complain about it, otherwise they would have had to delay the game's release...

Which would have been a shame.

I Order Germs

or Mirrors Edge.

In the Mirrors Edge universe, if you ordered germs, it's probably going to be Faith or one of her chums delivering them.

Faith would bump into some police men along the way, but being a kick arse chic, she'd probably steal their guns and leave them with Rogered Rims. I can't help thinking that her job would be easier if there were More Girders in the city for her to run along. It would probably make the Gods Merrier as well.

Ascend; Ass Rises

or Assasins Creed

Another anagramatic gem. This one relates to the actual gameplay mechanics in the game. The universe moves in mysterious ways.

When this game was released in caused something of a Sadness Crisis because it didn't quite live up to expectations, but personally, I Caress Sadness. It reminds me that I'm alive.

Our Flat Soldier Game

or Metal Gear Solid Four.

How about that? An anagram of a game title that describes the game itself quite well! What? You don't think MGS4 was flat at all? You thought the game was brilliant?

In that case you might say MGS4 was a Game of Ultra Soldier, but a lot of people I've spoken to are of the opinion that it is a Lame Soldier Fag Tour, full of long winded cutscenes.

But, there's no arguing with fanboys. Some would like to give Hideo Kojima a Rude Fellatio Orgasm, but be careful guys! We all know Kojima likes to take part in Sum Rare Dog Fellatio!